20
In the past year, I have come upon the conclusion that adulthood isn’t real. It was an idea created by the masses to make people feel bad about things. And the older I get, the more I realize, no one really knows what’s going on. Yet, as my twentieth birthday quickly approaches, I have looked at it with mild apprehension. For most reading this, you’re going to see twenty and think “oh my gosh she is still so young.” But twenty is big. Twenty is a moment. These are my last days as a teenager and in all honesty, I could pause right now and live at nineteen for much, much longer.
Nineteen has been so good to me. I travelled abroad and to the West Coast for the first time. I have started the application process to go to Africa, a dream I have had since I was a little girl. I finished my first year of college. I got hired at my university’s newspaper putting me one step closer to my dream job. I started this blog. I spent countless hours among my family and friends, and I have met the most amazing humans in this last trip around the sun, and for all those moments and those people I am endlessly grateful. With all these wonderful things, who wouldn’t want to bask in this a little bit longer? In all honesty, I didn’t except nineteen to be as amazing as it was, I mean no one wrote a song about being nineteen, but maybe someone should.
But alas, we cannot stop time to live at whatever age we want forever, but twenty though, twenty is a lot. I remember being fourteen going on fifteen, celebrating my sister’s twentieth birthday and just thinking, “wow that is so adult” but now that I am standing on twenty’s doorstep I am realizing that it is not adult, and there really is no such thing. I can only stand here, and hope the next year brings me the same amount of happiness and joy that the previous year has brought me.
I know realistically that not every day is going to be perfect, but one of my goals for the next 365 days is to wake up in the morning with the thought of making each day the best possible. I noticed recently that I had fallen into the habit of snoozing my alarm and internally whining about having to wake up. But I read a study about how getting up as soon as your alarm goes off improves your mood and makes your day more productive. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that we could all use some more productivity.
My other goal, is to continue to go out and experience the world. I carry a great joy in travelling and even just going out and exploring my own city. There is a saying that goes “variety is the spice of life” and I back that whole heartedly. I think that monotony leads to (at least for me) unhappiness. I like to be busy, and I like to be constantly exploring and learning. If I am bored, I’m probably unhappy.
So, here is to twenty. Here is to trying new things, seeing new places, and actively trying to make a difference. Thank you all to the wonderful journey that nineteen has been; I’m looking forward to seeing where twenty takes us.
-- H
